Losing Yourself in a Relationship Therapy Toronto
You care deeply, give of yourself endlessly, and want your relationships to feel close and steady.
But somewhere along the way, your own needs and experience started slipping away. You may catch yourself agreeing to things you don’t want to do, apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong, or holding back feelings to keep the peace. When that happens, it can start to feel as if you’ve faded from your own life.
When love feels insecure, it can feel safer to shrink to win approval or harmony. You might wonder, If I show who I really am, will they still stay? Therapy offers a space to discover how those fears began, how they shape your relationships today, and, most importantly, how to work through them.
Therapy for Losing Yourself in a Relationship at Authentic Belonging Therapy in Toronto offers a space to notice patterns of self-abandonment and gently return to your own needs, voice, and inner truth.
Why You May Lose Yourself In a Relationship
Many people who lose themselves in relationships learned early on that they could not consistently depend upon their early caregivers to meet their deeper emotional needs, and so they had to hustle to earn care or affirmation.
You might recognize yourself in one or more of these patterns:
Being the “easy” or “helpful” one to keep the peace
Hiding strong emotions to avoid upsetting others
Taking care of everyone else’s needs before your own
Feeling guilty or anxious when you try to prioritize yourself
Over time, these ways of coping, which once served you as a way to survive emotionally, no longer support your sense of self or relational well-being. You place others first so much that your internal ability to sense what you truly feel, desire, and need begins to atrophy.
People-pleasing, fear of conflict, unhealthy (vs. healthy) emotional dependency, and guilt are natural responses when love feels insecure. They likely protected you before, but now they leave you feeling depleted, resentful, and unsure where you end and others begin.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing doesn’t mean becoming detached or self-centred. It means learning to stay connected to yourself while being connected to others. In Individual Relationship Counselling, we explore what happens inside you when you start to disappear. You may notice emotions rising, memories surfacing, and a part of you that still yearns to be chosen fully - without having to disappear to earn love.
Individual Relationship Therapy Can Help You:
Recognize moments of self-abandonment in real time
Rebuild self-trust and emotional safety
Strengthen boundaries without guilt
Reconnect with your authentic Self, the part that knows what it feels and needs
Learn how to connect and give from a place of fullness rather than emotional scarcity.
This process is gentle and grounded. It’s less about changing who you are and more about remembering that you were never meant to disappear to be loved.
How Authentic Belonging Therapy Can Help
At Authentic Belonging Therapy in Toronto, sessions invite you to turn towards yourself with compassion. I’m Aviva Bellman, MSW, RSW; I provide online therapy for adults across Ontario. My approach isn’t about quick strategies; it’s about deep emotional and somatic reprocessing so that you can find wholeness and belonging.
In Therapy, You May Explore:
The roots of self-abandonment and codependency
Letting go of shame and guilt around needing others
People-pleasing and emotional dependency patterns
Learning how to hold space for your feelings instead of silencing them
Creating relationships that feel mutual, safe, and alive
My work is grounded in authenticity and empathy. You’ll explore what keeps you giving too much, how to reconnect with the parts you’ve silenced, and what it means to belong to yourself first and then to others.
Begin Reconnecting with Yourself
Losing yourself in relationships doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’ve been trying to stay loved in the only way you knew. Therapy can help you build authentic closeness - closeness that, by definition, includes your true self.
If you’re ready to begin reconnecting with yourself, reach out to book a session.
Authentic Belonging Therapy offers online therapy for adults in Toronto and across Ontario.
FAQs
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It means your needs or boundaries fade as you focus more on your partner or another person than yourself.
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You may feel responsible for another’s happiness, over-function, or feel anxious when not needed.
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Yes. Therapy supports self-respect, confidence, and greater ease in saying no.
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You explore emotions and patterns, and develop self-love at a pace that feels safe.
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Yes. I provide online therapy for adults across Toronto and Ontario.
20 Minute No-Cost Consult
I invite you to schedule a no-cost video consultation to further explore whether my approach is a match for your therapy goals.